Standing Back
by Jewel1001
Summary: One-shot. Alexis didn't see her feelings for Jaden clearly. But then she stepped back, and she looked again. Alexis' POV.


Hazeru - This is my first attempt at a story with Alexis' POV. Please don't be too harsh.

Hera - Also, this is one-sided Fianceshipping. It also has mentions of possible Spiritshipping. Don't like it, please don't read.

Hazeru - This is set after the duel Jaden&Alexis v Hasselberry&Blair. Fourth series, about episode 163, I think. Don't swear on it.

Hera - This begins when Alexis is waiting for Jaden.

Hazeru - Enjoy the story!

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! GX

Have you ever heard of 'sayings'?

They're what people say in the event of disaster or a moment of laughter, or just for the hell of it, sometimes.

Every cloud has a silver lining. It has to get worse before it can get better. Too many cooks spoil the broth. Curiosity killed the cat.

People put these sayings into their voice and then wonder why they can't explain it. They know the saying, and where to use it, but they don't really know what it means, they can't explain it. And why is that?

Well, that's very simple. There is no exact meaning.

And isn't that the whole point?

I've never liked sayings, and I get annoyed with myself if I ever catch myself using one. I try to avoid them - avoid them like the plague - because if I use them all the time, eventually someone will ask me what it means, and I know that I won't be sure how to answer them.

Through my whole life - ever since I did a lesson on 'sayings' when I was a kid at school - I haven't used the famous sayings, the ones we all know, and most of us will use. I don't like them.

But there's always an exception to the rule. Isn't that a saying, too? If it is, I don't like it, either.

Oh well. There's one saying that I do like.

The only one that's proved true to me.

_Sometimes you have to stand back to appreciate a work of art._

That's true enough, but I don't think it applies to paintings.

I've been to art galleries before, when I was younger. And I stood close up to a painting of swirling, pointless colours that formed no picture, and thought it a waste of paint and paper. I did what my mother told me - stand back and look at it from a distance - and you know something? It was just as bad. No better, no worse.

I used to hate that saying as much as any other, because I had no experience with it, and I thought when it said 'art' it meant drawings and paintings and sculptures, none of which I had much interest in.

I didn't realise that it could mean people.

/

I met Jaden Yuki in the first year, and close to the start of it, too. I was a gifted duellist - the number one female at the school - and so I instantly took on a popular status in Duel Academy. Jaden wasn't so lucky. He was in the Slifer dorm - the 'worst' dorm on the island.

Maybe they just meant that you had to stand back to appreciate it.

Once I learned to live in Jaden's world, I saw that there was so much more to it than I had thought before.

Jaden and I went through many adventures together, along with all our friends - Syrus, Chazz, Bastian, Zane, my brother Atticus. There was Hasselberry in the second year, and Aster. Then in the third year, Axel and Adrian - debateable for Adrian, I digress - and Jim and Jesse.

But through it all, I had my friends - including the ones who didn't hang out with us usually, like Jasmine and Mindy - and yet somehow, nobody ever managed to mean quite so much to be as Jaden did. I don't count my brother; he's family. It's not the same.

But of my friends, I cared for Jaden the most.

Nowadays, I realise why completely. At first I didn't, but as time went on, I gradually realised my feelings towards that idiot.

In my first year, I neglected my feelings completely. In my second, I hid them. In my third, I continued to hide them.

Until Jaden became a different person.

/

I never met the Supreme King. I'm glad I didn't. From what I hear now from my friends - if they ever talk about it, which is rare, and only when Jaden's not around to overhear - he was merciless and powerful and ruthless. And nothing like the Jaden I've come to love with my whole heart.

It's strange to think that he and that merciless king are the same person.

It's even stranger to think that Jaden isn't just Jaden any more.

I have only seen those eyes once, and I feel a shiver run up my spine just picturing it. I didn't want to see it then and I don't want to see it now.

Yubel's eyes.

At first I thought she had possessed him, but I was wrong. Jaden explained - briefly - to us that he had fused his soul with that of Yubel. That they were the same person now.

It's weird to think that the person I duelled with, and against, such a short while ago could harbour the soul of the thing that caused us all such pain last year. I suppose I don't know much about Yubel, or her motives, but I don't want to know. I don't want to hear a sob story that will make me feel sorry for her.

I don't want to hate Yubel, and I suppose I don't really, but I don't want to feel sorry for her either. I don't want to know her story. Not that Jaden would tell me it, anyway. There seem to be parts of the whole story - of which we were all a part - that he keeps to himself.

And that just makes me wonder.

How much has Jaden told me?

How much has he told anyone?

/

I am good at noticing the little details in people's eyes, when I want to be. When I really stare into their eyes, I can see their emotions dancing there. If I want to see those emotions, I can find them. Most people aren't very good at hiding them, and I am gifted at spotting them.

I make this sound like a superpower, but it's nothing of the sort. It's just my natural gift, my talent - my only true talent besides duelling. I suppose I am gifted in duelling and, I have been told, looks. I am said to have a vibrant, unique personality - but I can't see these things because I can't see myself.

I'm not the girl who stares at herself in a mirror all day. I don't want to see myself. I want to see everyone else. I want to see the world around me, not into my own head.

You might think that I tell you this so that I can tell you about the emotions I see in Jaden's eyes? Well, you'd be wrong.

Jaden is very good, especially recently, at hiding his emotions. I can't read him at all - whether that is a gift or a prank by fate, I don't know.

But I can read _him _perfectly well.

Who am I talking about? The one who took Jaden from me. That made it so that he could never be mine.

Not Yubel. I suppose I could always pretend that she didn't exist. After all, Jaden doesn't walk around with his eyes two colours - at least, not that I've seen.

Jesse Andersen, though …

Jesse does exist. Jesse is a major problem.

Jesse is the whole reason why I have to stand here now.

/

You might think I've strayed off topic, but it's all important to the whole issue, is it not?

That work of art, the one I had to stand back to appreciate? That was Jaden.

It is Jaden.

At first glance, he's colder and more distance than he was. He's more serious and not the same boy I knew in our first year, or our second, or the start of our third.

But then I move back.

I put more distance between us and I look at him once again.

/

I have come from the duelling 'tournament' where Jaden and I partnered up to take on opponents, the last of which were Hasselberry and Blair. I was pretty mad at Jaden for using my monsters in the wrong manner, for not checking my face-down cards, but he explained it all to me. He talked to me. We connected, in a way that we never really have before, not even at the beginning.

He remembers everything. Every moment of our friendship, of our Duel Academy years. He remembers it all, and I don't think he will ever forget those precious times. I know that I never will.

I stand here now, close by the Slifer dorm, in wait.

Tonight I decide what to tell him. Tonight I make one last attempt to read those impossible brown eyes.

I have to know what Jaden thinks.

Because I know Jesse's feelings. I know my own feelings.

And I know that, no matter what, I care about Jaden Yuki. I will not stand in his way of happiness, no matter what that means. I am not going to be self-involved.

But this is my chance, and I will take it.

/

When I eventually see Jaden, I move forward a little. He comes over to stand about three feet away from me, and I swallow the lump of nervousness that has caught in my throat.

I am not convinced that I can do this, but if I don't, I'll never forgive myself.

I ask him about the duel. I make the expected conversation, trying to mask the way that I read his eyes.

Or try to.

They show what anyone would expect: confusion at my appearance here, satisfaction at our victory in that tag duel, relief at the normality of the words I say.

Those emotions, they are standard. They are the obvious ones in his eyes - he wouldn't bother to hide them, since there was no reason to. He's in no danger of letting himself slip up in any way.

Those emotions aren't what I'm looking for.

We have been talking for mere seconds, but a lifetime could have passed for all I'd have noticed. I am too busy searching his eyes.

In those chocolate orbs, I can at last see more of him than he has ever showed me before.

And in some ways, I regret ever doing this.

/

He feels nothing for me.

Well, that's not true. I know that he values me the way he values all his friends. As a friend, he does love me.

Jaden cares for me, but not the way I care for him.

I don't know if he's let his guard down on purpose, or if he's too absorbed in my talking to notice I can read those eyes now, or if I've just gotten better at reading him.

It doesn't matter.

What matters is what I can see. He doesn't love me the way I love him.

I'm not stupid. I won't throw a tantrum and lock myself up in my room and cry. I won't cut myself or never speak to him again.

In some ways, I will cause myself more pain than all of that.

What I will do is the hardest thing - to go on like nothing has changed.

Like I haven't just come close to telling him what I want to.

I could say it now. I could say it and I know that he would listen, but I don't dare. Because it wouldn't mean the same thing to him as it does to me.

He wouldn't understand, and that's why I can't.

/

"Let's stay good rivals forever!"

With a smile and a nod, Jaden shakes my outstretched hand.

This hurts me, you know. To realise that my feelings are entirely one-sided; that he will never be anything more than my friend.

But maybe it's better this way.

Jaden is different now. I still love him, of course, but he seems to almost have more responsibility.

And I want to become a teacher. I can't spend my life pining after him, or sitting in one place and hoping he'll come home soon. I have too much to live for. I have to let him go his own way, while I go mine.

I can become a teacher. That is the path I am choosing.

This is the moment when I finalise it in my heart. I am going to go elsewhere after graduation, and I am going to study to be a teacher. Maybe someday, I'll even return to teach at my old school! Maybe I'll never be here again.

There are endless possibilities.

/

I let one tear almost fall and quickly wipe it away, as I watch Jaden smile at me in a way he hasn't since his return from Yubel's world.

That smile is all I need.

That smile lets me know that he is the same Jaden I've always known, even if I haven't realised it.

He is still the same.

/

I read Jaden's eyes as best I could. I saw his true emotions - the ones that reached his eyes, which I suspect was few.

I didn't see the important things, probably. I saw nothing that was to do with Yubel, and I'm sure that it was there - I just didn't see it. I didn't know what to look for.

But I'll always remember that minute when I saw the spark of love in his eyes.

It wasn't for me. I think that it was for Jesse.

I'm sure it was for Jesse.

You might think that I've seen Jaden and Jesse going around together as a couple, but I haven't. In fact, they're just best friends - who have secret feelings for each other.

Mindy and Jasmine might want to play matchmaker some day. If they ever do, and if I'm in the mood, I'll tell them about Jesse and about Jaden, and see what transpires.

Jaden isn't ready for that sort of relationship yet.

Maybe it's all to do with Yubel, maybe it's not. He seems to care for her deeply - it's like words don't describe it. Maybe he loves her.

I know that he has feelings for Jesse. But I don't think he even knows it. He probably passes it off as feelings of guilt for what happened and care for his best friend.

/

As I walk back to my own dorm, my heart is heavy but light at the same time.

It's a weight off my mind, to be honest. I now know that it's time to move on. Jaden is a friend, and that is that. We will be friends forever, I hope, but never anything more.

Maybe he and Jesse will form something else in the future, who knows? Maybe Jaden will always be content with just him and Yubel.

But he will never be with me in any romantic sense.

And because I know this, it is easier to move on.

I am never going to sit at night and ask myself 'what if?'. I know that friendship is as much as we are going to get together.

And it surprises me greatly that when I realise that I can let him go and focus on my career, I feel relaxed.

I suddenly have some sort of future for myself planned out.

I am going to be a teacher.

Jaden and I are friends.

And that's okay.

Because my new future - my career, my friendship with Jaden and everyone else - is all just one big work of art.

It's hard to see it all when you stand nose-to-nose with it.

But then I stand back.

And see clearly.

Hazeru - I wanted to do a story were Alexis decides that she does love Jaden, but she won't waste her life loving someone who doesn't feel the same way.

Hera - And the sayings thing? Some of them just annoy Hazeru.

Hazeru - The really overused ones get to me xD

Hera - R&R please. No flames!


End file.
